the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
