Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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