just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
