you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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