I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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