tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
