Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You don't make any sense
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