So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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