there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
