R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
