I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
