You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
