How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
