so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
