They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
