I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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