There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
