my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
