i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am naked and annoyed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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