He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize