WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
