2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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