This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
