I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
