I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
