my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
