he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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