Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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