STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize