She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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