Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
