I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
