just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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