Betty ford says i'm here all night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
