I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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