I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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