his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
