I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
