I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize