Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
