I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize