Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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