apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
