If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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