Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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