I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
