I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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