He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
