if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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