Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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