She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
