after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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