i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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