Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
