So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you never un-have a 4some
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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