we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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