You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize