Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
third nipple confirmed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
