Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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