i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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