last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
