I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
