I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
