I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
