I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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