Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
