never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
