We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
