from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
