You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
