She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
