Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
