I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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