My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
